A three-fer

What's that old saying? When it rains, it pours.

We caught not one, not two, but THREE animals in our trap today! How did that happen, you ask. Well, let me tell you.

Critter Control came out Monday to check the trap. It was, once again, licked clean but empty. "I think you've got mice instead of squirrels," he said. "Mice can take the food without tripping the trigger."

"Could it be rats?" I feared the answer.

"No, rats are as big as squirrels. They are very smart but it is very unlikely they could get in the trap, get the food and not get caught. It's got to be mice."

He put two mouse traps inside the squirrel trap and said he'd be back in a day or two to check the trap.

About mid-day today, I heard a heck of a racket when I was in the master bathroom (above it is their preferred spot in our attic). I thought the noise was coming from the attic so I banged on the ceiling and hollered, "Get the hell out!!"

The noise didn't stop. It was so loud and it was starting to freak me out. Could it, whatever it is, be chewing its way through the ceiling? Am I going to have to do battle with a beastie in my house?

And then it dawned on me. Maybe we caught something. Maybe the noise was coming from the trap, perched on the roof, just outside the bathroom window.

Sure enough, I could see 2 beady eyes and a bushy tail in the trap. Hallelujah! I called Critter Control to tell them the good news. He came while I was out but he left me a note:

Caught: 1 squirrel, 2 mice

I read it through several times. When the heck did we catch the mice? And ewwww, how icky to think the squirrel went into the trap with 2 dead mice already there and then to be stuck with them in the trap. (Would Rocky now have nightmares? Would he need therapy?)

I just don't know what to make of our catch. Does this mean we have both squirrels and mice cohabitating in our attic? Is there inter-species relations going on under our roof (literally)? Oh, my. Don't tell the Religious Right.

Indivisible

Nothing like a little calm, clear thinking. Here's what I wish I had written to my Aunt B.

My faith resides within me, as much a part of me as my skin. Additions or subtractions of words on money, in the Pledge of Allegiance, or statuary of the Ten Commandments in government buildings will not affect my personal relationship with God one tiny bit. I'd much rather spend my time and energy improving the lives of others than fighting for political stamps of approval.

What are you so afraid of?

Steaming

My aunt B's a bitch!!!!!

I had to get that off my chest.

I've asked her to stop and yet she just sent me another political agenda email. This one was about a poll that NBC conducted asking people if they believed in God. Guess what, Aunt B, NBC did not conduct such a poll. Other news stations have conducted polls asking people if the phrase "one nation under God" should stay in the Pledge of Allegance or "In God we Trust" should stay on our money but NBC did not conduct a poll asking people if they believed in God.

And the topper was that the email claimed that 86% of people of people believed in God and 14% didn't so why are we letting the 14% rule?

WTF?!?!

Nothing like a little mob rule to fix things Right, huh.

I sent an email asking her to stop - again. I did not phrase it nicely or diplomatically. Nope, I said it point blank, no ambiguity at all. And I told her if she doesn't stop, I'll stop accepting her emails.

Ahhhh, pounding out my anger on the keyboard feels pretty good. But what I really want to do is hit something, preferably the face of an 88year old female relative.

(See, lelo, I am not always calm when it comes to Aunt B. Damn, but I am pissed.)

Room and board

Critter Control came out Monday in response to my query of "what's next?" since trapping didn't seem to be working. He checked the trap and gave me an update. It seems that the nail hammered into our siding and holding the trap in place on the roof had somehow got hung up on the trap door mechanism, preventing it from closing. The bait was gone and the trap was "licked clean." I had to laugh. No only have we provided a nice, cozy home but we've been feeding them as well! He fixed the problem and baited the trap again. As he left, he said that we would likely catch a squirrel the next day.

I wish he'd been right.

Maybe I will give in to my son's request to let him at 'em. He thinks it would be a cakewalk to catch them in the attic. My son wants to play Rambo vs. Rocky (hey, Stallone, that would be one heck of a sequel!).

Rocky 13, Us 0

Our squirrel trap remains empty (dang it!). That's 13 days of freedom for those danged squirrels who've invaded our attic. I heard them again the other day. I pounded on the ceiling and shrieked, "Get the hell out!"

They didn't listen.

I want to know in what language I should write the eviction notice. Anybody speak squirrel?

Don't confuse me with the facts...

"Don't confuse me with the facts, my mind is made up." Yep, that about sums up my Aunt B, my dad's oldest sibling, his only sister and his only remaining sibling. She has redeeming qualities but I'm having a hard time focusing on those at the moment. With a bold egotistical attitude, she has decided that I need to be the recipient of her age and wisdom. Lucky me. It has taken the form of emails, ranging from the latest urban legend/email hoax (yo, Aunt B, this is bilge!) to political and religious propaganda. We do not share similar opinions - in fact, our viewpoints are diametrically opposed. For a long time, I simply deleted her messages and did not speak up out of respect and desire for family harmony. Then I got fed up. I simply asked Aunt B to leave me off her email list for these types of messages. I was very polite in my request. I did not attack her point of view, nor did I express mine. I said I simply did not want to receive these messages anymore. And then hooboy, did I get an earful about how I didn't show her the respect her age demands and that I needed to listen to her because it was her job to teach me. EXCUSE ME?!?! I already have parents, thank you very much. Well, that got my dad going and he gave his sis an earful. His email message to her brought tears to my eyes; he praised me and said he couldn't ask for a better daughter. Aunt B back-pedaled and apologized (shocker) and said she would only send me family messages (always glad to get those). And then for some reason - I suppose she couldn't help herself - last week she forwarded to me the latest version of an email supporting the posting of the Ten Commandments on government buildings and public schools.

The email ended with "If you agree, send this on. If you don't, just delete." As I went to hit the delete button, I stopped. I could not, would not, let this be. I had to refute this email full of twisted quotes, inaccuracies and incomplete information. And so began my 6 hours of research and writing. Here are a few highlights.

I had to laugh at the first fallacy. The email was attributed to Andy Rooney. He must be the "flavor of the day" but it's hilarious the authors chose him to support their religious propaganda because he is an agnostic (he says so in his book). But that wasn't the only instance that highlighted the email's originators' ignorance of the beliefs of figures of our time and of US history. Thomas Jefferson and James Madison were quoted. Thomas Jefferson's quote was accurate although it's application to the email's arguement was not made clear. The quote attributed to James Madison is false. Its source was a book whose author failed to check his secondary sources and who has since stated the quote is false. But what I found most interesting is the choice to use these two great statesmen for their arguement. Both Jefferson and Madison were staunch proponents of the separation of Church and state. A quote of Thomas Jefferson's was the basis of the Establishment Clause that we use today for separation of Church and State. James Madison opposed the practice of hiring clergy to pray at the beginning of each session of Congress.

The email singles out the renditions of Moses holding the Ten Commandments on 2 friezes on the Supreme Court Building. Yes, he's there and in one other frieze as well. However, the email failed to mention those who join him, including Confucious (is this an endorsement of Confuciousism?), Hammurabi (given the first stone of the Code by the Babylonian Sun God) and Mohammed (need I say more?). In all, there are 18 lawmakers honored in the various friezes in and on the building: Moses, Confucius, Solon, Menes, Hammurabi, Solomon, Lycurgus, Draco, Octavian, Justinian, Mohammed, Charlemagne, King John, Louis IX, Hugo Grotius, Sir William Blackstone, John Marshall and Napoleon. They represent law, religious and secular, and it is their contributions to law that is acknowledged and honored. Check out
http://www.supremecourtus.gov/about/symbolsoflaw.pdf
http://www.supremecourtus.gov/about/east&westwalls.pdf
http://www.supremecourtus.gov/about/north&southwalls.pdf
http://www.supremecourtus.gov/about/courtbuilding.pdf

With my dad's blessing, I sent my response to Aunt B. So far, no response. And that's okay. I'm fairly certain I made my point. I'm also fairly certain that I've confirmed Aunt B's image of me as a lost soul in need of salvation (I'm not), a Liberal and a Democrat (I'm an Independant) and a blot on the face of our country (that's her opinion). All of which I can live with. It would be useless to remind Aunt B that I'm a Christian, as is she. I'm afraid all she could focus on is how we differ in the ways we live and exemplify our beliefs. Faith is a deeply personal, spiritual journey that can not, should not be legislated. I side with Jefferson and Madison. We must continue to insist on the separation of Church and state. And that, contrary to the email's message, is not unconstitutional. It is upholding our US Constitution, a marvelous piece of legislation written by those much more learned and wise than myself.

Six words and five minutes

I enrolled in a creative writing class, one of the many continuing ed classes offered by PCC. Our first assignment, completed in class, was to write a paragraph using six words we drew from three different envelopes; three nouns, two action verbs and one color. We were not given the option of selecting our words and we were only given five minutes to be creative.

My words were lantern, dwarf, small pox, frosted, slapped and green. I'm thankful an idea sparked immediately but I did a lot of writing and scratching out in that brief bit of time. This is what I wrote. (I realize my use of "dwarf" in my story is politically incorrect but hey, I only had five minutes!)

Through the frosted window, the flickering light beckoned the weary traveler to enter the hut. The room was sparsely furnished and dimly lit by one lantern on the table. Hiding in the shadows just beyond its glow sat a dwarf. As the traveler approached, he understood why the dwarf chose to sit cloaked in darkness. His face and body were covered by small pox sores, green and oozing. The traveler took a startled step back and slapped his thigh against the corner of the table. He cursed and muttered to himself, "Perhaps I should have heeded the quarantine notice on the door after all."

I'm going to have a ball in this class. Who knows, I might even get the courage to try writing a little poetry.

Trap Watch II, the sequel

Rocky is still at large (damn squirrel). Our trap sits empty, despite Critter Control saying squirrels are stupid and easy to trap. Wouldn't it be just our luck to get the world's only trap-savvy squirrel.

Critter update

It brings me no pleasure to say I was right and hubby was wrong. We've got squirrels, yup, we do. Dang it!! On the plus side, they only recently moved in so with luck, damage will be little or none by the time we're rid of them. The even better news is that squirrels are apparently quite stupid when it comes to traps so we shouldn't haveproblems catching them as we did our mama raccoon.

And so begins Trap Watch II, the sequel. ;-P

Bats in my belfry...

and squirrels in my attic!! Critter Control is coming this afternoon to see if my fears have any substance to them. We've been hearing noises overhead for at least 2 weeks. Hubby thought it was something on the roof but I swear it sounds more like scurrying feet in the attic. I hope he's right...

We had a mama raccoon in our crawlspace two years ago. According to the woman at Critter Control, once animals find a house they like, they keep coming back. I know it's true for yellow jackets. We had four infestations at our first house. If we've moved from insects to mammals with this move, I'd hate to see what decides to move in with us at our next house!

In 2007, I resolve to...

Drawing inspiration from Ellen DeGeneres' New Year's Resolutions here are mine for 2007.

I resolve to...

1. Eat chocolate every day. With all its anti-oxidants and other good stuff, a daily dose of chocolate - dark, of course - will be good for me. I just love a decent rationalization.

2. Refrain from using nasty four letter words, such as diet, and wicked combinations of four-letter words, such as exer-cise.

3. Tell my family that I love them as often as possible. My kids' cringing and eye-rolling will just be a perk.

4. Encourage more laugh lines by choosing humor over tears. Oops, this one comes close to being a real resolution but since I do it as often as possible anyway, I think I can squeak this one in.

Happy New Year!