Skewed perspective
Little in life can stand up to intense scrutiny. I hear that's why actors fear HDTV close-ups (I certainly would). No amount of fuzzy lens work or air brushing can relieve the too-close-for-comfort perspective. So we observe the physical in larger than life magnification. As we are drawn in for microscopic examination, our view - unfortunately and uncontrollably - skews towards the negative. We have, after all, had so much practice looking for our own flaws and blowing them out of proportion, until they are so large they dwarf all positive attributes. We make mountains out of our moles.
"I hate my chin, I hate my tummy, I hate my butt..." We keep this up until our personal image is composed of only these perceived imperfections. Our beautiful blue eyes, lovely smile, and long legs are nowhere to be seen. We look more like a caricature than a real person.
Not satisfied with belittling our physical image, we turn that critical eye on our personal characteristics just as easily and as quickly. We know our flaws, sometimes too intimately, and yet we rarely make peace with them. We try to hide them for fear that if our friends saw just how awful we were, they would stop being our friend.
We aren't always successful.
When a friend points out our inadequacies, the intensity isn't doubled, it's squared. The defect grows, pushing and squeezing our good qualities out of the picture. It attains massive proportions, fed by our insecurities and another's criticism, until it achieves a life of its own, no longer under our control. When this happens, it can crush a friendship in the blink of an eye and all we can do is watch with sadness and regret.
In the aftermath, we alternately feed the beast and seek affirmation of our good qualities. With love and support, and dogged endeavor, we slowly whittle the beast back to size. With luck, the experience will help us take away the source of its strength, allowing us to shrink it to a fraction of its size. But what a price to pay!
In time, I will remember this lesson: I am the sum of my parts, both beautiful and ugly. A twisted perspective to either extreme is not healthy - it's simply twisted.
"I hate my chin, I hate my tummy, I hate my butt..." We keep this up until our personal image is composed of only these perceived imperfections. Our beautiful blue eyes, lovely smile, and long legs are nowhere to be seen. We look more like a caricature than a real person.
Not satisfied with belittling our physical image, we turn that critical eye on our personal characteristics just as easily and as quickly. We know our flaws, sometimes too intimately, and yet we rarely make peace with them. We try to hide them for fear that if our friends saw just how awful we were, they would stop being our friend.
We aren't always successful.
When a friend points out our inadequacies, the intensity isn't doubled, it's squared. The defect grows, pushing and squeezing our good qualities out of the picture. It attains massive proportions, fed by our insecurities and another's criticism, until it achieves a life of its own, no longer under our control. When this happens, it can crush a friendship in the blink of an eye and all we can do is watch with sadness and regret.
In the aftermath, we alternately feed the beast and seek affirmation of our good qualities. With love and support, and dogged endeavor, we slowly whittle the beast back to size. With luck, the experience will help us take away the source of its strength, allowing us to shrink it to a fraction of its size. But what a price to pay!
In time, I will remember this lesson: I am the sum of my parts, both beautiful and ugly. A twisted perspective to either extreme is not healthy - it's simply twisted.
posted by bemused at 10:43 AM
7 Comments:
Sounds like a bad day. Wanted you to know that some of us do see those beautiful blue eyes, and the fun loving person behind them!
Thank you, whoever you are!
It's a good day today. The sun is shining, flowers are blooming, birds are singing, robins are waiting impatiently for me to dig up "their" worms, and the air is sweet with daphne. Gardening therapy is a goooood thing!
The best way to overcome -- learn to love yourself.
While your words are true, anonymous #2, that's quite an assumption you've made about me.
Haven't you ever had a bad day (or two or three...) that skewed your perspective on life briefly towards the negative? It has nothing to do with loving or not loving oneself. I do, btw, but that's not the point I was trying to make.
As a TV garden guy, i miss your posting on your garden activities... What is happening in your garden???
Thanks, anonymous #3! I hadn't realized I posted about my garden that often here. I'll try to do better, stay tuned.
actually, i got your blog address from someone else. through your site i found Rainyside and the Garden Rant sites. I do a local TV show and like to check in at your site every so often.
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