Second sight
Last year, shortly after my mom died, I told a friend that I realized I was stronger than I thought I was. She said, "I could have told you that. I have always known you had more strength than you give yourself credit for." I thought, "How could she know that when I did not?"
We never see ourselves as those who love us do. Instead, we peer through eyes that behave like funhouse mirrors, distorting reality so that all we see are our failings. If only, as Gallagher has joked, body parts were actually parts, exchangeable and returnable, and we could don another's eyes to see ourselves in a more positive light than we ever shine our way. Maybe with frequent second sight our faulty mindset would dissipate into nothingness, a figment with no more substance than a magician's illusion.
If that were possible, I'd lend my eyes to my friend whose disease has delivered another setback. This latest is a most sobering and frightening experience. She admitted she was embarrassed by it. In her voice, I could hear frustration that she had succumbed to despair and ceded control over her life as if she held all the power in her hands, as if this were nothing more than a mind over matter issue. I worry that she believes she is unequal to the challenge because she has stumbled again.
She is wrong. Oh, my God, she is so wrong. Despite numerous knock downs, she keeps getting back up and moving forward, once again retracing her steps, even though she's tired of the battle. A lesser person would have given up and given in long ago. Not her. Her strength is hidden from her view but I can see it clearly. Add to that a healthy dose of bullheadedness (who says that's a negative trait?) and she has what she needs to carry on.
Unfortunately, I can't lend her my eyes. Instead I must rely on words to convey my view to her. And I will tell her as many times as she needs to hear it.
Hindsight isn't the only thing that is 20/20.
We never see ourselves as those who love us do. Instead, we peer through eyes that behave like funhouse mirrors, distorting reality so that all we see are our failings. If only, as Gallagher has joked, body parts were actually parts, exchangeable and returnable, and we could don another's eyes to see ourselves in a more positive light than we ever shine our way. Maybe with frequent second sight our faulty mindset would dissipate into nothingness, a figment with no more substance than a magician's illusion.
If that were possible, I'd lend my eyes to my friend whose disease has delivered another setback. This latest is a most sobering and frightening experience. She admitted she was embarrassed by it. In her voice, I could hear frustration that she had succumbed to despair and ceded control over her life as if she held all the power in her hands, as if this were nothing more than a mind over matter issue. I worry that she believes she is unequal to the challenge because she has stumbled again.
She is wrong. Oh, my God, she is so wrong. Despite numerous knock downs, she keeps getting back up and moving forward, once again retracing her steps, even though she's tired of the battle. A lesser person would have given up and given in long ago. Not her. Her strength is hidden from her view but I can see it clearly. Add to that a healthy dose of bullheadedness (who says that's a negative trait?) and she has what she needs to carry on.
Unfortunately, I can't lend her my eyes. Instead I must rely on words to convey my view to her. And I will tell her as many times as she needs to hear it.
Hindsight isn't the only thing that is 20/20.
posted by bemused at 10:08 AM
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