Four eyes

I've reached that stage in life when my eyes can't focus on close-up objects. I own 3 pairs of reading glasses. One pair sits by the computer; another pair floats between kitchen table and the table next to my favorite chair; the 3rd pair lives in my purse so that I never have to hopelessly decipher menu options or map directions. Most of the time this system works just fine. But every now and then, I foolishly pretend that I can read as if presbyopia hasn't struck. (Is it me or is it weird that the label given to "old eyes" syndrome sounds like a religious conversion?). That's when the fun starts. Last night I realized that the scented lotion that I've been using for a few months is actually bodywash. Sheesh! However, that does explain the pearlescent shimmer, not typical for lotions, and why my skin would feel so sticky afterwards. Another time, I made a batch of Chicken Tortilla Soup extra spicy because I added Red Cayenne Pepper instead of Chili Powder. You know the cartoons that show steam pouring out of someone's ears when they eat something really hot? Yeah, that about sums it up. Of course, my hot-food loving husband thought it was perfect.

It's not vanity that prevents me from using my reading glasses. It's laziness and the reluctance to wear my glasses around my neck on a chain. I don't care how funky the chain is, it's still glasses on a chain around my neck. It's unexplainable for the same reason that I can't own a van. It's the image of who I become if I do that.

Hmmm, maybe it is vanity. Oh, well, if I gave in, just think of all the opportunities for humor at my expense that you'd miss out on.