You say tomayto, I say tomahto
Good Morning, America has been running a series called the "Mommie Wars," pitting working moms against stay-at-home moms. The little of it I watched had me drop-jawed at the mean-spirited digs exhanged between the two camps (GMA started the war analogy, I'm only carrying it through). The stay-at-home group implied that the working moms were putting their needs and their careers ahead of their children's best interests - how selfish! Daycare kids would surely suffer life-long harm. The working moms stated that the stay-at-home moms were not challenging themselves - caring for children is mindless, brain-sucking ennui. If you stay at home, you are undoing the great strides for equality made by feminists - you traitor.
Wow. Silly me, I thought the Women's Movement gave us the opportunities and the freedom to choose our own path, not to force us into a one-size-fits-all model. I chose to stay home when my youngest was born. Yes, I was lonely, bored and frustrated at first and there were times when I feared that I would not be able to stifle my screams while sitting through another episode of goopy children's TV. But I also had the opportunity to experience all the firsts in my children's lives, many of which I might have missed had I chosen to be a working mother. Additionally, I didn't have to perform superhuman feats of juggling to manage burgeoning responsibilities of work and motherhood.
I may have stayed home but I did not fit any June Cleaver model. I was not a '50's sitcom automaton. I had needs and limitations that required a modern approach. I sought companionship and knowledge from a support group for stay-at-home moms. I began to work part-time before my second child was born. I became civically active. I found a way to define myself without letting motherhood define me completely. These were the right choices for me. Would I insist that everyone else must do as I did? Absolutely not! To espouse unwaivering belief that I have all the answers and everyone else must do as I did is complete nonsense. Last time I checked, we are all individuals as are our children.
Perhaps the skirmish I witnessed was engineered by the outside influence of the media. Perhaps what I saw was skewed and inconsistent with the views of the vast majority of mothers, working and stay-at-home and somewhere in between. I hope so. I hope that regardless of our choices, we mothers are demonstrating to our children that it is important for them to choose and follow the path in life that fits them best. Personal choices, such as this one, should not be dictated by others who do not know us - or our family - as well as we do.
I mean, c'mon, when our kids whine, "But everyone else is doing it!" we respond with the mothers' mantra, "If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you have to jump, too?"
Why should this decision be any less individualistic?
Wow. Silly me, I thought the Women's Movement gave us the opportunities and the freedom to choose our own path, not to force us into a one-size-fits-all model. I chose to stay home when my youngest was born. Yes, I was lonely, bored and frustrated at first and there were times when I feared that I would not be able to stifle my screams while sitting through another episode of goopy children's TV. But I also had the opportunity to experience all the firsts in my children's lives, many of which I might have missed had I chosen to be a working mother. Additionally, I didn't have to perform superhuman feats of juggling to manage burgeoning responsibilities of work and motherhood.
I may have stayed home but I did not fit any June Cleaver model. I was not a '50's sitcom automaton. I had needs and limitations that required a modern approach. I sought companionship and knowledge from a support group for stay-at-home moms. I began to work part-time before my second child was born. I became civically active. I found a way to define myself without letting motherhood define me completely. These were the right choices for me. Would I insist that everyone else must do as I did? Absolutely not! To espouse unwaivering belief that I have all the answers and everyone else must do as I did is complete nonsense. Last time I checked, we are all individuals as are our children.
Perhaps the skirmish I witnessed was engineered by the outside influence of the media. Perhaps what I saw was skewed and inconsistent with the views of the vast majority of mothers, working and stay-at-home and somewhere in between. I hope so. I hope that regardless of our choices, we mothers are demonstrating to our children that it is important for them to choose and follow the path in life that fits them best. Personal choices, such as this one, should not be dictated by others who do not know us - or our family - as well as we do.
I mean, c'mon, when our kids whine, "But everyone else is doing it!" we respond with the mothers' mantra, "If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you have to jump, too?"
Why should this decision be any less individualistic?
posted by bemused at 10:45 AM
1 Comments:
Hmm. Interesting. What kind of tension will be identified next to be exaggerated and exploited for television?
Actually, I've witnessed some of this dialogue via focus groups lately. There is a pretty strong line in the sand drawn between women who stay at home working to raise their children, and women who work in the workplace. (I'm not sure if I said that right, but you get what I'm saying.) I don't know if it's a case of "they don't know what they've got" or what, but there's a real disconnect of the realities of choices and requirements on both sides. I don't know why we need to pit ourselves against each other. You're right about the feminist movement means we have options, but somehow, that element of "option" has been lost....interesting post bemused!
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